Help!!

Well I'm having a pretty shitty day. This morning I looked in my wardrobe to pick out an outfit and realised that 95% of my clothes are too small!! I eventually picked out something that I feel frumpy in - great start to the day!! I know I need to buy new clothes!!

Got to work and had loads of shit thrown at me - I'm at Uni on thursday and on a rest day friday so it HAD to be done today!!

Was supposed to do a home visit but got stuck in bad bad traffic and was too late. Ended up going to Sainsbury's to buy tonights dinner. While I was there, I thought I would try some clothes on - picked up some size 16's and went to the changing rooms - TOO TIGHT!!! I felt like crying but instead bought a big bag of kettle chips and a large chocolate bar!! Binged on these and then came home and ate my dinner along with over half a bottle of wine!! Feeling pretty drunk now, fat fat fat and depressed. PLUS my boyfriend has just come down (he was upstairs watching footy) and seen me writing this blog!! This means he will probably start reading it now - GREAT!!

Wish I could just be like 'ok I binged, no problem, I'm stressed and needed to at that moment' but instead I'm feeling like I am so huge and unattractive!! I don't want to even see people I haven't seen for a while because I'm sure they'll be shocked at how much weight I've put on!! I know that I'll be ok, it's just right now I'm feeling crappy :o( xx

Still binging

Right now, I still can't seem to stop myself overeating. I hadn't been shopping for nearly 2 weeks, so thought this was probably effecting things too (I overeat when my supplies dwindle) - so last night, I went to the supermarket and STOCKED UP!! However, on the way home, my car completely broke down!! I had to get the AA out to tow me home (it was 11pm at night so I was stuck on my own at the side of the road in the dark!!) A local garage picked it up today and it's going to be expensive!! Thing is, I could kick myself because I knew it was running funny the last week, but I didn't take it to the garage!!

So today, I have been eating and eating again!! I'm feeling crappy too because I know I have put weight on and I'm bigger than I've been in ages!! I know what I need to do (ie, read my books, tune in, keep a journal etc etc), I just can't seem to do it!! I notice that when I get in this state (I call it a binge state), I can't be bothered doing anything - eg, tidying the house, doing anything fun, making an effort with the way I look etc!! I know this will pass, but I'm just finding things really hard at the moment

Binging Galore!!

Well, Valentine's Evening, my boyfriend got home at about 7pm (definite last minute after work rush to buy me flowers!! Lol) Anyway, he was filthy (he's a sprinkler engineer) so needed to take a bath (shower still not working). By the time, he got out of the bath, it was too late to go out for something to eat, so we ordered a take away. For some reason, I just wanted to binge binge binge - so did!! I ate loads of my supplies and then the take away!!


Yesterday, I was the same all day - just eating and eating - I couldn't even stop myself to ask myself why!! Last night, I lay on the sofa in absolute pain, my stomach felt like it was going to explode!! Like my skin was trying to stretch to fit in all I'd eaten, but it couldn't!! I tried not to beat myself up about it, but I was so mad for getting that full!!

This morning, I woke up and tried not to get angry with myself, but to be honest I'm feeling very down and unattractive. I haven't made much effort in my appearance for the last two days and I don't seem to want to write in my journal (or on this blog to be honest, I'm kind of pushing myself to write this as I know it will probably help!!). I've spent all this morning eating out of mouth hunger and I mean eating (I must have had enough chocolate for 10 people!!)

Possibilities about why I wanted to eat so much: -

• Dissapointment about not going out Valentine's night (although that didn't seem a big deal at the time)
• Knowing that my boyfriend did a last minute dash to buy me flowers and a card (again not a big deal but maybe it would have been nice to know that he'd thought about it before 5pm!!)
• Stress about moving house (I'm currently in the process of moving house but everything seems to be going very slow and we have already had it all fall through once)
• Guilty feelings about not studying enough for Uni (I am doing a part-time degree in Social Work)
• Since then, negative thoughts towards myself

I would really appreciate any advice people could give me to get through this time, I know it will be temporary (and I haven't thought about dieting once - so that is definately an improvement!!)