Exercise

Not blogged for a while because I've been busy decorating the house and at work etc.

I've started to go swimming with my friend in my lunch hour at work, and we've been doing 60 lengths (25 metres each) - it's been a killer but I definitely feel better for doing it. I'm trying to go about 3 times a week (been 4 times so far in the last week and half). It's good to see my friend so often and also she's been going for a while so it's easier for her - so this encourages me to push harder. The thing I like about swimming is that I don't get hot and sweaty so it doesn't feel as difficult.

Couldn't go swimming today because I'm off work and having my nails done, so I've just done an hour on my exercise bike (while watching a chat show!!). I've started to feel fitter already from increasing my exercise.

The only problem is, I've binged quite a lot over the last week. What's good though, I haven't had the 'all or nothing' approach. Usually when I binge, I don't want to exercise because I think 'What's the point? I've blown it' but I've been thinking, I want to be fitter whether or not I'm overeating.

I have to be honest, I've been trying to control what I eat a bit, i.e. trying not to eat so much junk food and therefore binging. The thing is intuitive eating hasn't been working for me either, having so much chocolate and crisps in the house is meaning that I'm eating them all the time and I have put on a LOT of weight. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not following the IE principles properly, I suppose I find it hard. The truth is I eat too much un-nutritional food - and it's effecting my health, i.e. I'm tired all the time, grumpy etc.... I like fruit and vegetables so it's not like it's hard for me to eat them, it's just that I always choose the high fat, high calorie food over them every time. I know that IE is the best way to deal with food, it's just hard. I don't want to sound like I'm whinging - 'it's hard, it's hard' . I suppose, I'm just waiting for it to click, and deep down I know it doesn't work like that. If I want something to work, I have to put effort in - and if I'm honest, I'm just not making enough effort. Any advice would be greatly appreciated right now, I really want to be able to eat intuitively and to stop obsessing with food!!

On the positive side, my boyfriends car went into the garage because the 'reverse had broken' - he's got a BMW with computerised gears, so we'd been expecting it to be really expensive. But I used the secret principles to ask and expect that it wouldn't cost much. He's just had a phone call and it's only going to be £70!! I'm so happy.

We're going to Cumbria for the weekend, I can't wait, it will be so nice to relax for a few days and enjoy each others company.

Today I appreciate myself for being honest and asking for help

Tomorrow I will start to read one of my books on IE to refresh the principles

Sugar, flowers and my car

My boyfriend bought me these flowers yesterday!! Aren't they gorgeous - they smell devine!! He's lovely!!

I got my car back today - YEY!! It's so cool to have a car again, I can go wherever I want, whenever I want!!!

I was reading bliss and beauty's blog and she has decided to experiment with eliminating sugar out of her diet for a week because she's noticed that she has more energy without it. So after reading that, I decided I would try it because I have been so tired recently (and I eat a hell of a lot of sugar!!) Anyway, yesterday I didn't eat sugar and felt good this morning but today I NEEDED chocolate - ha ha - so I think I may try it some days and keep a diary of how I am feeling. I definately feel a lack of energy recently so it will be good to experiment.

Today I appreciate myself for eating chocolate because I really wanted it

Tomorrow I will try to eliminate sugar

Law of Attraction

Having a great day!!!

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about being charged £3400 for my car being fixed - I basically just couldn't afford this and told the guy, but he wasn't backing down. Anyway I used the points from 'the secret' which was basically believing that I'd get my car back easily, imagining myself in my car, trusting that everything would be okay. Well I wrote the guy a letter last week saying that I was happy to pay £1500 as this was the last price that I agreed to and this morning he phoned me up and reluctantly agreed. So YES I'm getting my car back!! Woo hoo!! I've been using my boyfriends now and again but it's horrible not having the complete freedom of your own car!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Today I appreciate myself for trusting that everything would be OK with my car

Tomorrow I will be more present while I eat

Silence in Blog World

I've noticed that blog world seems to be pretty quiet at the moment, I assume that the British Bloggers will be silent due to spending time in the sunshine and away from the computer but I've got to say I'm missing reading up on everyone. So please, please keep writing xx

Also does anyone know what happened to Beakerella's blog? It seems to have disappeared

- it's a shame because I loved reading what she was up to. You feel like you know someone when you read their blog and it's sad because I just want to know that's she's OK.

I'm good, I emailed a couple of girls from school the other day to see what they're up to now. There was a large group of us who were very very close at school but I went to a different college and lost touch. They both replied but it made me quite sad that most of them still see each other a lot and have continued the friendship. I'm not sure why really because I love my life, I love my friends and if I hadn't gone to another college, my life would be completely different. I suppose sometimes reminiscing just makes us sad.

I'm reading a book at the moment called 'Love Whispers', it's got a similar theme to the secret but concentrates more on God, I'm really enjoying it and would definitely recommend it - I read half of it lay in the sun in the garden on Saturday.

Today I appreciate myself for concentrating on the positive things in my life

Tomorrow I will eat more intuitively

3 km

Things got sorted with my boyfriend. He chose not to dwell on what happened on the promise that if I had any further communication with my ex, I would tell him about it. I spoke to my ex and explained so I doubt we will have contact anymore anyway. I suppose it's probably a good thing that this happened because it's made me think about how lying is just stupid. I know that my boyfriend is probably still hurting but he's hiding it very well.

Yesterday my lovely boyfriend went shopping and came home with a pair of running trainers and a pink running top for me. The trainers are Nike running and they're white, pink and silver and I absolutely love them. I was jogging in tennis trainers before and my calves were absolutely killing but yesterday I wore them when we went out for a jog and they were so much better.

I logged the route on www.26point2.co.uk (thankyou Alice for telling me about the fabulous site) and worked out that I had jogged 3km. I was knackered but I have definately built up because last time I only did 2km and stopped to walk about 6 times, this time I did 3 km and stopped to walk only twice (and literally only for a minute each time).

Also I went bellydancing last night, it was a lot of fun again - the class is a workout enough to get you warm doing it but not knackered - I think it's very sexy. The woman who teaches it makes you feel very confident about being a women (whatever your size).

I'm also really excited. We've bought some solid oak flooring for the living room, dining room and hall of our house. It's absolutely beautiful and we're going to start to put it down this weekend. When we moved into the house, we ripped the carpets up straight away (they were disgusting) so since then (10 weeks ago), we've been living on concrete floor downstairs. It's cold and looks horrible so I can't wait for the gorgous new floor to be put down.

I have ANOTHER 3000 word essay due in for University next thursday. I'm studying Social Work part-time but it's hard work when you also work full time too and are decorating a house and have a life!! Ok I know MOAN MOAN MOAN. To be honest, I hate writing essays - I love lectures and training etc but essays are just a pain in the butt. I am always last minute too - I haven't even started yet but have taken wednesday off work to do it.

This morning I woke up and the first thing I thought is 'I love my life' - it was such a great buzz to wake up in such a great mood. I think exercising more is definately helping my emotions.

Food wise, I am still overeating (and overeating a lot of junk!!). There's a lot of the Intuative Eating Principles that I am not following, i.e. stocking up, eating without distraction, stopping when I'm satisfied, eating when I'm hungry (I'm also eating when I'm not hungry!!) However, what I definately have found is that I'm not overeating as much as I used to. For example, I am not having full on binges and also I am not as obsessed with food. But I have noticed that I'm thinking about dieting a lot, I think its because the summer weather means skimpy clothes and right now I'm about a size 18 and 14 stone (196lbs) and don't feel nice bearing flesh. Also I find that I get hot and flustered and uncomfortable in the heat (definately more so as I've put weight on). But I'm not going to dwell on that because I'm having a great day today and I'm beautiful whatever size I am.

Today I appreciate myself for enjoying life and realising how great mine is

Tomorrow I will incorporate the Intuative Eating principles more into my day

Man Troubles

I have been really stupid!!

I still chat with my ex from time to time, my boyfriend doesn't really like it and he stopped talking to his exes for me as I wasn't comfortable with it. Double standards I hear you cry!! Anyway to make matters worse I have my ex under a girls name in my mobile phone. Why?? Well I suppose it's because I didn't want my boyfriend worrying about me talking to him when there really isn't anything in it. However, yesterday my ex phoned - I ignored it because my boyfriend was there!! Why?? Again, I suppose not to worry him. Well, my boyfriend knew that something was strange about this and started asking loads of questions, I lied and lied but I'm a terrible liar and he just didn't believe me, so in the end I admitted the truth. The fact is that NOTHING is going on, but I realise that all my lying has just made matters so much worse. I have never seen my boyfriend so wound up or hurt - he's completely lost trust in me and I don't blame him. Why have I been so f**king stupid?? (sorry about the swearing but I feel like I need to right now!!) I don't know what to do!! He keeps imagining things happening that aren't and in his head, all sorts is going on. (I know that I would be 100 times worse if I was in his position). I wish I had been honest or not even spoken to my ex - but I suppose that there is no going back on that now. I hate the fact that I've let him down. Will he ever trust me again?? I hate liars (and now I a great big one).

After we argued, he went out for a run - I thought I better give him some space so didn't go with him. Instead I did 25 minutes on my exercise bike - to be honest, I think it is exactly what I needed - exercise can help you clear your mind a bit.

Anyway, feeling guilty like this didn't cause me to overeat (which is great) - however, I did drink half a bottle of wine and 2 cans of beer (I don't even really like beer). We were awake half the night going over and over the same things - I am so tired!!

Today I appreciate myself for realising I am wrong and not overeating

Tomorrow I will eat one meal without distraction

Lovely Weekend

I went jogging again on saturday morning but for some reason, I found it a lot harder - my calf muscles felt really tight and they were hurting a lot as I ran. My boyfriend ran off ahead of me (we were jogging around a really big field) - he did 3 laps to my 2. I think I maybe also run better when somebody is next to me as I am less likely to stop. I'll make sure that I stretch more before I go next time.

Had a very strong 'I'm going to diet' moment this weekend, I think I've put more weight on and last night as I was getting ready to go out, I felt huge!! Anyway it soon passed. I'm not really following the IE principles apart from 'eat what you want' so that is my next task - i.e. only eat when I'm hungry (well most of the time).

Today I appreciate myself for having a really lovely day with my boyfriend

Tomorrow I will eat when I'm hungry

Belly Dancing!!

Me and my boyfriend didn't go jogging on wednesday evening. He was knackered when he came home from work and to be honest, I didn't really feel like it. I've realised that I exercise a LOT better in the mornings. I'm a morning person!! However, last night I went bellydancing, it was a lot of fun. I went with my friend and we were laughing the whole time calling each other Shakira. It killed 2 birds (or even 3) with one stone as I want to exercise more, I love dancing and I don't see much of my friend anymore, so it's a great way to see her every week.

Today I appreciate myself for making an effort with my appearance

This weekend I will go jogging again