I have been really stupid!!
I still chat with my ex from time to time, my boyfriend doesn't really like it and he stopped talking to his exes for me as I wasn't comfortable with it. Double standards I hear you cry!! Anyway to make matters worse I have my ex under a girls name in my mobile phone. Why?? Well I suppose it's because I didn't want my boyfriend worrying about me talking to him when there really isn't anything in it. However, yesterday my ex phoned - I ignored it because my boyfriend was there!! Why?? Again, I suppose not to worry him. Well, my boyfriend knew that something was strange about this and started asking loads of questions, I lied and lied but I'm a terrible liar and he just didn't believe me, so in the end I admitted the truth. The fact is that NOTHING is going on, but I realise that all my lying has just made matters so much worse. I have never seen my boyfriend so wound up or hurt - he's completely lost trust in me and I don't blame him. Why have I been so f**king stupid?? (sorry about the swearing but I feel like I need to right now!!) I don't know what to do!! He keeps imagining things happening that aren't and in his head, all sorts is going on. (I know that I would be 100 times worse if I was in his position). I wish I had been honest or not even spoken to my ex - but I suppose that there is no going back on that now. I hate the fact that I've let him down. Will he ever trust me again?? I hate liars (and now I a great big one).
After we argued, he went out for a run - I thought I better give him some space so didn't go with him. Instead I did 25 minutes on my exercise bike - to be honest, I think it is exactly what I needed - exercise can help you clear your mind a bit.
Anyway, feeling guilty like this didn't cause me to overeat (which is great) - however, I did drink half a bottle of wine and 2 cans of beer (I don't even really like beer). We were awake half the night going over and over the same things - I am so tired!!
Today I appreciate myself for realising I am wrong and not overeating
Tomorrow I will eat one meal without distraction
1 comment:
Good job on not eating out of stress.
Your post reinforced how intuitive eating and intuitive living are so connected. Rebuilding trust is kind of like releasing excess weight through intuitive eating. Time, consistency, being honest with self (I say self because from reading your post it sounds like your actions were going against your gut), listen to self, honestly expressing your feelings, and (again) time - all are beneficial to both of these processes.
Wishing you a better day today.
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