Yesterday, I was the same all day - just eating and eating - I couldn't even stop myself to ask myself why!! Last night, I lay on the sofa in absolute pain, my stomach felt like it was going to explode!! Like my skin was trying to stretch to fit in all I'd eaten, but it couldn't!! I tried not to beat myself up about it, but I was so mad for getting that full!!
This morning, I woke up and tried not to get angry with myself, but to be honest I'm feeling very down and unattractive. I haven't made much effort in my appearance for the last two days and I don't seem to want to write in my journal (or on this blog to be honest, I'm kind of pushing myself to write this as I know it will probably help!!). I've spent all this morning eating out of mouth hunger and I mean eating (I must have had enough chocolate for 10 people!!)
Possibilities about why I wanted to eat so much: -
- Dissapointment about not going out Valentine's night (although that didn't seem a big deal at the time)
- Knowing that my boyfriend did a last minute dash to buy me flowers and a card (again not a big deal but maybe it would have been nice to know that he'd thought about it before 5pm!!)
- Stress about moving house (I'm currently in the process of moving house but everything seems to be going very slow and we have already had it all fall through once)
- Guilty feelings about not studying enough for Uni (I am doing a part-time degree in Social Work)
- Since then, negative thoughts towards myself
I would really appreciate any advice people could give me to get through this time, I know it will be temporary (and I haven't thought about dieting once - so that is definately an improvement!!)
3 comments:
Hmm, it seems to me that this comes down to 2 things - 'feeling a bit unappreciated' and stress around moving.
Allegedly moving house is one of the most stressful activities we experience in our lives, so I think the main thing is to realise the feeling of uncertainty and nervousness about new experiences is not unusual.
Can you talk to your BF about feeling a bit underappreciated? A while back I was feeling a bit cheesed off because my DH kept coming in from work and then disappearing off upstairs ALL evening to play on his pc. I'm happy for him to have 'me time' but felt a bit unloved.
Anyway, I told him how I was feeling, got a big hug and he's made an effort to spend time with me in the evenings a bit more. Perhaps you could go out together this weekend or plan an evening in, with a really nice dinner so that you'll feel spoiled and special? You read the BC forum, why not look at the feeling like a goddess thread?
Don't be too hard on yourself, it's a long term process.
xx
I know how you feel with the move and everything- I'm experiencing move at the momen and my eating is completely up the pole. I've eaten so much chocolate today its ridiculous.... maybe it just boils down to the fact that you are feeling a bit stressed and under apreciated so you want to 'treat' yourself- or maybe eat a bit out of spite? (I know I do that).
Maybe you should forgive yourself and think next time what would make you feel better (not food!) It is hard- don't give up. XX
How're you getting on?
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