I ordered 4 large bars of quality chocolate from the Internet and they arrived this morning - They were all gone by 7pm - every piece eaten - did I eat them mindfully I hear you ask! NO NO NO - what a waste of absolutely delicious chocolate - over £10 worth of chocolate stuffed in like I'm a waste bin. May I add I've also eaten a teacake dripping with butter, 4 packets of crisps and a large sandwich!! And I STILL want to eat!! Why oh why??
OK, here goes, I'll try to understand why. I'm very down on the way I look at the moment, I wake up feeling fat and unattractive and it sets the mood for the day - where oh where has my confidence gone?? I used to look in the mirror and feel gorgeous - now I look in the mirror and feel frumpy, old (I'm only 27 for Christs sake) and fat fat fat!! I know this is just a mindset that I need to snap out of - I'm just finding it so hard right now. Because of this, I am feeling insecure about my relationship, we're very busy at the moment and I suppose not as lovey dovey as we used to be - I just can't imagine my boyfriend feeling like he's a lucky man right now.
My essay is due in and I haven't put pen to paper!! I have the day off tomorrow, in which I'm planning on starting it - it's just the thought of getting it going is overwhelming.
I am living in a bombsite, every room of this house is in a state of disgrace. We are sleeping on a mattress on the floor. The kitchen has plaster hanging off the walls and the living room has no carpet and the most disgusting fire place you have ever seen.
I've stopped dancing and feel guilty about this, although I can't motivate to start again. Also, I seem to have cut myself off from my friends, like I can't be bothered speaking to them or socialising. Am I hiding away from life??
I want to read my IE books and book on body confidence etc but I can't seem to push myself to do it - plus I feel guilty for not spending my time studying!!
OK - enough moaning - lets get realistic!!
OK, so I've put on weight! I am not the biggest I've ever been. I still have beautiful eyes, good legs and nice hair. I am intelligent, I am funny, I have a good job, I live in a house that I have been dreaming about living in for months, I have a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me, I have great friends and family, I have a healthy body without ailments and I had my nails done today!! He he - sometimes you just have to look at the positives to feel a bit better.
Today I appreciate myself for looking at why I may be binging
Tomorrow I will go back to week one of the Beyond Chocolate Multimedia course and complete the exercises
OK, here goes, I'll try to understand why. I'm very down on the way I look at the moment, I wake up feeling fat and unattractive and it sets the mood for the day - where oh where has my confidence gone?? I used to look in the mirror and feel gorgeous - now I look in the mirror and feel frumpy, old (I'm only 27 for Christs sake) and fat fat fat!! I know this is just a mindset that I need to snap out of - I'm just finding it so hard right now. Because of this, I am feeling insecure about my relationship, we're very busy at the moment and I suppose not as lovey dovey as we used to be - I just can't imagine my boyfriend feeling like he's a lucky man right now.
My essay is due in and I haven't put pen to paper!! I have the day off tomorrow, in which I'm planning on starting it - it's just the thought of getting it going is overwhelming.
I am living in a bombsite, every room of this house is in a state of disgrace. We are sleeping on a mattress on the floor. The kitchen has plaster hanging off the walls and the living room has no carpet and the most disgusting fire place you have ever seen.
I've stopped dancing and feel guilty about this, although I can't motivate to start again. Also, I seem to have cut myself off from my friends, like I can't be bothered speaking to them or socialising. Am I hiding away from life??
I want to read my IE books and book on body confidence etc but I can't seem to push myself to do it - plus I feel guilty for not spending my time studying!!
OK - enough moaning - lets get realistic!!
OK, so I've put on weight! I am not the biggest I've ever been. I still have beautiful eyes, good legs and nice hair. I am intelligent, I am funny, I have a good job, I live in a house that I have been dreaming about living in for months, I have a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me, I have great friends and family, I have a healthy body without ailments and I had my nails done today!! He he - sometimes you just have to look at the positives to feel a bit better.
Today I appreciate myself for looking at why I may be binging
Tomorrow I will go back to week one of the Beyond Chocolate Multimedia course and complete the exercises
4 comments:
Well done for appreciating yourself. I think you've read yourself very well.
You're lovely.
Take care
A
xx
Hey, aren't you based in Manchester? Where exactly do you live and where do you go dancing?
And remember fat is a state of mind not body!
It's not surprising you're struggling, moving house is really hard work, especially when you've bought.
good entry.
I feel the same way. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful things, but on days when my self-esteem is zero, I feel like I am suffocating.
I think it's great that your noticing your binging too - maybe you should set out just to read a few pages of the confidence book each day and then it won't feel so much like a chore
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