I feel like I need to take organisation of my life. I have a 3000 word essay due in Uni on Thursday and I haven't written 1 word (or even looked at a book!!) I've had about 8 weeks to do it, so I have NO EXCUSES whatsoever. I know that I use food to distract me, to procrastinate, to stop thinking about what I should be doing - it's crazy!!
I keep avoiding eating intuitively too, not sure why - think I want to use food. The problem is, I have put on so much weight and it's really getting me down. I think accepting yourself is a lot easier when you know that you are applying the principles and eating consciously etc - however, I'm not - so I just feel down on myself for overeating - it's pissing me off!!
Summer's coming now and the clothes are getting more and more skimpy - however, I don't want to show off my arms or my legs to be honest, because I'm feeling frumpy!! I so so so want to stop using food for comfort, but it's like I can't - it's all I know and I HATE IT!! I'm feeling a bit insecure about my boyfriend too - like will he be checking out all the slim girls in their skimpy clothes and wishing he had a girlfriend like that? I'm also worried that he'll be embarrassed about me in front of his friends - crazy really because he isn't shallow or anything - it's just that I was a size 12 when I met him (so that's obviously what he was attracted to!!)
I want to be really confident about myself, to wear clothes that I love etc.. It just seems that clothes aren't as comfortable when you're bigger (even the one's that fit). Plus I find wearing high heels more uncomfortable now - MOAN MOAN MOAN!! Ha ha - I have to laugh at myself but I am feeling pretty shitty about the way I look and the fact that I'm eating far too much (i.e. when I'm not hungry!!) Think I will start to write a journal again, look at what I'm feeling and when.
I've also booked a Doctor's appointment for Friday (to get a backdated sick note for Uni - naughty I know but it will give me a weeks grace!!)
Also, I have been trying to join the peaches and cream forum - I have been invited by Brooke and Kiera but I fill in the form and it's not joining me for some reason - please help someone - I feel like I'm missing out :o(
Today I appreciate myself for noticing how I'm feeling and making plans for what I should do
Tomorrow I will write a journal and tune in
9 comments:
I know what you mean about essays, i always hated them and would leave them to the very last second but when i got started it wasnt always so bad, good luck xxx
You are looking after yourself the best way you know how at the moment and i wonder if you are doing little bits of eating intutively without noticing it, are you eating what you want some of the time.
You are a beautiful girl and i know your boyfriend loves you have you talked to him about your insecurities he might just surprise you. Men generally dont like skinny bodies, i bet he is happy to see your boobs have grown!!!!
I have emailed Brooke so hopefully we can get you on peaches and cream soon.
lots luv
ki xxx
I have tons of Uni work on that I'm avoiding too :/
Try not to beat yourself up, because you're doing just fine babe.
You've had a very stressful time recently and you've coped, like Ki said, in the best way you know how right now.
I think the ability to laugh at yourself is incredibly important, so well done!
How about making a list of all the things you like about yourself? I wrote one yesterday until I felt pepped up. I started out with personality things (I'm funny, I'm caring etc) and then incorporated physical ones (I have elegant hands, I have a nice tan) until I was feeling so much better I wrote 'I have a really great butt!'
I find the 'I like big butts' song helps too. Can't pin down as to why...
Your boyfriend might look at skinny girls from time to time, but he always looks back to you. Do you ever secretly check out other men?
I know it's different because you and your man are properly together, but even though I'm infatuated with GM I always check out other guys, everywhere I go! It's fun!
He might be looking at skinny girls to think 'ha, no tits!!' or 'my woman is damn hot compared to you bony bitches'.
Take care
A
xx
I know how you feel, Intuivie eating has added weight to me too. I am working on it...I am sure I will get there one day...you will too :)
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