Well I'm having a pretty shitty day. This morning I looked in my wardrobe to pick out an outfit and realised that 95% of my clothes are too small!! I eventually picked out something that I feel frumpy in - great start to the day!! I know I need to buy new clothes!!
Got to work and had loads of shit thrown at me - I'm at Uni on thursday and on a rest day friday so it HAD to be done today!!
Was supposed to do a home visit but got stuck in bad bad traffic and was too late. Ended up going to Sainsbury's to buy tonights dinner. While I was there, I thought I would try some clothes on - picked up some size 16's and went to the changing rooms - TOO TIGHT!!! I felt like crying but instead bought a big bag of kettle chips and a large chocolate bar!! Binged on these and then came home and ate my dinner along with over half a bottle of wine!! Feeling pretty drunk now, fat fat fat and depressed. PLUS my boyfriend has just come down (he was upstairs watching footy) and seen me writing this blog!! This means he will probably start reading it now - GREAT!!
Wish I could just be like 'ok I binged, no problem, I'm stressed and needed to at that moment' but instead I'm feeling like I am so huge and unattractive!! I don't want to even see people I haven't seen for a while because I'm sure they'll be shocked at how much weight I've put on!! I know that I'll be ok, it's just right now I'm feeling crappy :o( xx
Got to work and had loads of shit thrown at me - I'm at Uni on thursday and on a rest day friday so it HAD to be done today!!
Was supposed to do a home visit but got stuck in bad bad traffic and was too late. Ended up going to Sainsbury's to buy tonights dinner. While I was there, I thought I would try some clothes on - picked up some size 16's and went to the changing rooms - TOO TIGHT!!! I felt like crying but instead bought a big bag of kettle chips and a large chocolate bar!! Binged on these and then came home and ate my dinner along with over half a bottle of wine!! Feeling pretty drunk now, fat fat fat and depressed. PLUS my boyfriend has just come down (he was upstairs watching footy) and seen me writing this blog!! This means he will probably start reading it now - GREAT!!
Wish I could just be like 'ok I binged, no problem, I'm stressed and needed to at that moment' but instead I'm feeling like I am so huge and unattractive!! I don't want to even see people I haven't seen for a while because I'm sure they'll be shocked at how much weight I've put on!! I know that I'll be ok, it's just right now I'm feeling crappy :o( xx
3 comments:
i would like to thankyou so much for posting this i have been having a similar experience today and it is such a relief to know that i am not the only one.
I think you are right that it will be ok its just going to take time, the whole appreciating little steps thing is really helping me at the mo. Reading yor blog i think you have done really well today because you have observed yourself bingeing and noticed the ways in which yo have used food in your life
ki xxxx
Oh I am sorry you feel like that. I had the same problem last week. I went thru my wardrobe and got rid off all those clothes that are much to small. I am left with 5 items!
I then cut the sizes out of them all because it's not important to know.
i went out and bought one outfit that looks really nice on me, (cut the tags out of that too) and that is all I need for now.
I accept that today I am a snug size 16 and I am going to make the most of it.
don't waste another day putting yourself down - get those too small clothes out of sight and work on what you have right now
i know it's easier said than done but you can do it and you have lots of support in us Natural eating bloggers too.
Oh and one more thing I try to do about overeating (hate using the word binge) is I give myself permission. I put the binge food on a plate and I sit down and enjoy it. It has made a big difference to the way I look at it. It hasn't stopped me binging yet and I have slip ups where I still stand in the kitchen and shovel the food in but I am making slow progress and the days I allow myself to overeat and do it knowingly are the days I feel less guilt and overeat that little bit less than when I eat mindlessly.
I hope that all makes sense and I have not come across as self righteous.
thinking of you :)
P.S.
I forgot to tell you the other day Josie, but you have such daity ankles, I'm so envious!
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